I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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