Cold hands, warm shart.
If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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