Define "chronic" masturbator.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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