You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
