Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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