Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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