I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Randomize
