We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
