I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Randomize
