i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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