My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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