none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Everyone says I win the strip club
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
