Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
