he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I believe in your delicious
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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