Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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