He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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