whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
