babies were throwing up all over the place
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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