I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
