Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
