just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
