i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize