Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
