It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
