It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
