You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
