After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
