I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
