But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize