last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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