youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
