it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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