She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
