batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
