You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
