I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
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