Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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