dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
