2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Who died my cat blue again?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize