Define "chronic" masturbator.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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