I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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