apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Randomize
