...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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