Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
