I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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