Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
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