Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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