I think i sorta joined a cult last night
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
i out mim tonsoeep
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