Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
