There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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