And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
