the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
