Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
He passed out mid-signature
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
So much Jack, so little girl.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Randomize