is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
