he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
