Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
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