I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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