32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
