I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
