just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
