eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
