I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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