Don't EVER smell your tampon
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
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