There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
