also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
