If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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