but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
The best revenge is premature balding
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize