Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
